Finding time for sex can be hard for many couples. According to the experts (and lots of married couples!), scheduled sex really isn’t all that bad.
By Megan Glosson
Published 17 hours ago
Let’s be real: Life with kids is hectic, to say the least. In many cases, both parents are running full steam between work and family life, which often means romance goes out the window. Many couples notice a significant dip in sexual intimacy after they have kids, and this lack of sex can break down communication and other parts of the relationship over time.
The idea of scheduling sex has gotten more and more attention in recent years, but some married couples worry that scheduled sex isn’t organic enough to really enjoy. According to the experts (and lots of married couples out there!), though, scheduled sex really isn’t all that bad.
RELATED:?Being A “Familiar Stranger” To Your Hubby May Save Your Marriage
While spontaneous sex is absolutely fun and enjoyable, it can seem impossible to pull off once kids enter the picture. Between you and your partner’s work schedules, the kids’ needs, and everything life throws your way, you may go weeks or even months without sex if you only let it happen organically. This can leave both partners feeling neglected and even resentful over time, which can cause even more issues in your relationship.
In an article for Psychology Today, licensed clinical social worker?Robert Taibbi explains how scheduled sex can help couples overcome those logistical roadblocks that often interfere with sexual intimacy. Just like anything else you pencil on your calendar, you can plan ahead and prioritize sex when it’s scheduled. It allows you to map out a game plan for what to do with the kids and lets you arrange your schedule around the date that day.
Scheduling sex also lets you plan around emotional hurdles too, which is something spontaneous sex doesn’t allow for. Things like stressful work meetings or late-night family gatherings can leave one partner feeling drained and not in the mood to “get it on.” When you schedule sex, though, you can plan around these things and pick days or times that you and your partner feel like you’ll be most “in the mood” for physical intimacy.
Scheduling sex doesn’t just help you navigate logistics, though. It also opens the door for better communication and connection. In fact, it?can open new doors for you and your partner in terms of intimacy and enjoyment.
During an interview with Insider, licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Jenn Mann explains that scheduling sex not only opens doors for guaranteed quality time but also helps you and your partner more adequately explore your sexual desires. When sex is on the calendar in advance, you and your partner can plan ahead for anything you’d like to try. For example, you can buy lingerie, sex toys, or something ‘risqué’ to watch together. You can also plan out a roleplay or explore new positions?— whatever sounds most enticing!
Yes, you wrote your sex date on the calendar, but have you planned out the details yet? What’s going to happen? Who will take the lead? What will you wear? There are so many questions that can remain unanswered until that night, according to an article on Bustle.
By keeping some of the details to yourself, you and your partner can still create a sense of spontaneity and fun around your scheduled sex dates. In fact, you can even take turns planning out the night so you each get the opportunity to show your partner what you enjoy the most.
Furthermore, you can make it feel spontaneous by adding in some suggestive hints beforehand and engaging in plenty of foreplay. Believe it or not, a quick “spicy” text at lunchtime or a sensual massage before you jump in between the sheets can really make things feel more organic. All of these things can help you and your partner feel more comfortable with the situation, even if it feels strange and different at first.
At the end of the day, sex is an important part of any healthy relationship no matter how long you’ve been together. Unfortunately, life with children gets hectic and that can sometimes throw off your sex game if you don’t get creative with your approach. Remember that scheduling sex isn’t a bad thing at all. In fact, it’s a necessity for many busy couples.
READ NEXT:?Why Pain During Sex Is Something To Get Checked Out Right Away
Pandemic Brought Love Of Reading Back To Kids
About The Author
(424 Articles Published)
Megan Glosson is a mother and freelance writer based Nashville, Tennessee. She enjoys writing on a variety of parenting topics, but loves taking on anything with a personal connection to her own life. When she’s not writing, you can probably find Megan building Legos or playing board games with her two adorable daughters.
To check out more of Megan’s work or to contact her about freelance opportunities, visit http://meganglosson.com/.
More From Megan Glosson